A Bucket ‘O Beer? Don’t Mind If I Do.

28 Sep

The reason that I don’t go out to bars or other such drinking establishments by myself is for fear of ending up like this dude.

Bucket 'O Beer Man

Bucket 'O Beer Man

During an abhorrent Monday Night Football showing last night, this guy was sat by himself at the bar at Old Chicago in Eagan. He was rooting for both the Packers and the Twins (both losers on the night by the way). As he sat by himself, he would alternately root for the big hit or the big pass play. Sometimes, these things came at the same time and he had to choose which to root for. Alternately, when the two teams screwed up royally, he would yell about it to the whole bar, as if everyone there was hanging on his every call.

“Oh god, what a bad call,” I would think to myself in disgust as I shook my head. “I wonder what that large, yelling man at the bar has to say about it?” Of course, I didn’t need to think this for long because he would simply start ranting at the TV in a loudly, slushy voice. “GRAABABBAHHDAH! FUGGING refs… yOU all gots to get some glASSES you piecies of SHITTY piles of *incoherent rambling garbage* PUNKS!”

If you will notice, he not only has a Packers dew rag on his head covered by a Packers hat, but he is also the proud consumer of the bucket of Budweiser there. Yes folks, dude sat himself down, ordered a bucket of Buds for himself, and proceeded to yell at two sports teams at the same time. Gee, I wonder how that enormous beer gut formed on him? Surely it can’t be from the downing of an entire bucket of beers, possibly almost every night of his life to this point, all by himself, can it? I really wish dude had on a cheesehead and Twins jersey or some other dumb crap to really make him stand out even more. Also, on the way out of the bar, he did the sidler thing and hypothetically scared the crap out of me (see how I said hypothetically there, and not literally? That would have been a sticky situation otherwise). Anyway, he sidled up to me as I was taking a sip of water, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’ wurry, we’ll get ’em.” I won’t lie, I jumped and said “fuck.” Seriously, this is why I hate weird ass drunk people and their skeevy, sliminess. Just stay the hell away from me so I can observe and make fun of you from a distance. Like I said, the Packers lost, as did the Twins (though they don’t really matter to me), but because I needed a pick-me-up, I took this picture while waiting for the bus this morning.

Happy Universe

Happy Universe

It was as if the universe was saying, “Don’t worry, the future is all rosy and bright…”

To which I replied, “The fuck it is universe. Screw you.”

2 Responses to “A Bucket ‘O Beer? Don’t Mind If I Do.”

  1. Duckyboy September 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm #

    Why do you have to judge this man? He seems like he is enjoying himself.

  2. volkjosh October 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    I judge because I love… to judge people.

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